The Fantastic Four Verses The Insurance Agency
by Red Witch
Summary: Pity the poor souls that have to deal with all the mess the Fantastic Four makes!


**The disclaimer telling all of you that I don't own any Fantastic Four characters is in a file somewhere. Just a mad little idea I had about all the other people that suffer when the Fantastic Four get into a fight with the bad guys. **

**The Fantastic Four Verses The Insurance Agency**

"Large Apple Insurance Company, this is Janice speaking. How may I help you?" A pleasant young woman answered the telephone in a busy office. "You'd like to file a damage claim on your car? All right sir, I just need to answer a few questions. What is your policy number? Thank you. And where is the damage on your car?"

Janice took a breath. "Define 'everywhere' sir. Completely trashed? As in…I take it your car was in an accident? Not exactly. What do you mean 'not exactly'? Did you do something…Oh someone else hit your car. Now we are getting somewhere. Was it a hit and run? Yes. All right can you describe the vehicle that hit your car?"

Janice stiffened. "Sir, I'm sorry. I didn't get that. For a moment there I thought you said you were hit by a flying silver man on a silver surfboard. You did. Sir are you on any medication?"

Another line rang. "I'll be right back sir. I have another call." She answered it. "You meet all sorts of nut jobs in this business. Large Apple Insurance Company, this is Janice speaking. How may I help you?"

"Your car was damaged. Hit and run. Yes, Sir. By a flying silver person on a surfboard. O-kay…Sir, have you been drinking? No need to yell sir! Considering what you just said it was a legitimate question! Hang on, I have another call."

"Large Apple Insurance Company, Janice speaking. How may I help you? Ma'mm, please calm down. I'm here to help. All right start from the beginning. Your car is damaged as well? By a **what?** Is this some kind of group prank or something? Did Steve in Accounting put you up to this because this is the kind of thing…"

Janice winced. "No, I'm not calling you a liar. I just…Hang on, I'll be right back." She went on another line. "Is there a full moon or something? Hello? Large Apple Insurance Company…Hold on. Sir I know this is going to sound strange but I have to ask, was your car just damaged by a flying silver man on a surfboard?"

"It wasn't. That's a relief…" Janice's face then fell. "It was damaged by a flying man on fire who was **chasing** the silver man on a surfboard. All right…Sir, please hold on a minute. I need to check something."

She went back to the first caller. "Sorry to put you on hold Sir. The lines are really busy today and we're a bit understaffed. Uh huh. I see. A flying man on fire was also responsible. Okay…Let me put you through to one of our agents. I'm transferring your call."

Janice then went back to her second caller. "Sorry to keep you waiting Sir but…No, I don't think your policy covers flying surfboards. Yes, it does cover fire. Yes. I see…Okay I'm gonna transfer you to one of our agents and he can process your claim a lot better than I can."

RING! RING! Another line lit up on her phone.

"Oh great! Not **another** call!" Janice groaned. She went to the other line. "Large Apple Insurance Company, how may I…Oh it's you again Ma'mm. No I didn't disconnect you. I did not. I did **not **purposely disconnect you. Look. Ma'mm…Please…Yes fire. Large fire. By a flying man chasing a flying silver man on a surfboard. Ma'mm I'm not sure but I am pretty sure we don't have a policy covering that."

"All right! All right! I'm going to transfer you to another agent!" Janice did so and answered another line. "Large Apple Insurance Company…Hold on a second. Let me guess, your car was damaged by a flying man on fire who was chasing a silver man on a surfboard? Lucky guess. Let me put you through to another one of our agents."

"I wish I could put 'em all through to a psychiatrist," Janice muttered under her breath. Then she answered another call. "Large Apple Insurance Company…Hold it. Was your car set on fire because of a flying fire man chasing a silver man on a surfboard? Because if it was…"

"Oh it **wasn't?** Oh thank goodness!" Janice breathed a sigh of relief. "Just a simple collision with another car. That's good. Oh no sorry Ma'mm I didn't mean it was good for **you.** It's just we have a lot of crazy people calling us this afternoon. I think some kind of mass prank call is going on. All right I'm very sorry, but you there are such strange people on the telephone. Could you please describe to me the nature of the crash?"

Janice's face fell. "You crashed your car into another car when a silver man on a surfboard startled you. And how did he do **that?** He flew **through **your car? And that's how it was damaged? Ma'mm your policy doesn't cover…Oh it **wasn't **damaged when the silver man on surfboard flew through your car. It only got damaged after you were startled by the silver man flying through your car. So you're saying that the silver man on a silver surfboard flew through your car leaving it **completely intact? **How did he do **that?** I was just asking! I mean come on, you have to admit it _sounds_ pretty impossible!**"**

"Okay I know I am going to regret this but can you _describe_ the man on a surfboard to me?" Janice sighed. "Yes you already said he was silver. What was he wearing? Come **again?** Nothing? You mean he was…? As a jaybird. A silver jaybird. Yes Ma'mm I admit I'd also be a little startled if a naked silver man riding a surfboard flew through my car."

"Ma'mm could you please hold on for a few minutes while I take the next call? And maybe get some aspirin?" Janice sighed as she rubbed her head. She took the next call. "Large Apple Insurance…Sir, please stop crying! Sir! Sir! Calm down. Yes I suppose if I was nearly killed by a flying man on fire chasing a flying man on a surfboard I'd be upset too! Please hold!"

Janice put the phone down and took out some aspirin from her drawer. She took them quickly without water. "All right Sir I'm going to transfer you to somebody who can help you. Or at the very least get you out of my hair."

As soon as she did so another line opened. "Large Apple Insurance…OH FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! YOU **TOO?** THAT'S IT! HOLD PLEASE!"

Janice made a call of her own. "Sir, it's Janice. I know I'm only supposed to call this number for emergencies but I think this qualifies. I've been answering the phone all day full of nuts making the most ridiculous claims! Yes I know this is your cell phone number but this is an emergency! These prank callers are not only getting out of hand! They're organized! They're all telling me…"

"What do you mean you can't do anything about it? You're stuck in heavy traffic in the tunnel? You got in an accident? Sir are you okay? What? Your toupee caught on **fire?** From a flying man on fire chasing a naked silver man on a flying surfboard. I see. Yes I'm starting to get the picture here. Sir, I have a message for you…I QUIT!"

She hung up the phone and grabbed her things. "That's it! I've had it! I'm going back to both Beauty School and drinking! Especially **drinking!** With all the nuts running around this city, being drunk might be the only way to stay sane!"


End file.
